Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
