I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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