I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
