If i come over, it means nothing
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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