TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i think i have herpe
just one?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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