I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
