She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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