Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
