So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
