erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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