Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
