I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
