i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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