I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
