This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
