I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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