her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the day after is always just damage control
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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