I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
