I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
