Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
