It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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