the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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