actually, I'm a sock model
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
