Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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