i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize