party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just invented taco cereal.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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