I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
