Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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