i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
