At least make sure they are 18
Why
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
