then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize