3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
