this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
