on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
