Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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