Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
