Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
