You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Two words: blizzard sex
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
