literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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