you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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