I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
