haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
