so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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