there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
