I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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