Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
