Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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