Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
