I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
