his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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