Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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