So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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