Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
