i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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