I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
