Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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