i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
