he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
