i permit you to call me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
