It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
