happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
