Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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