I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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