How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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