I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
