Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
