I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
