Pants 0. Shit 1.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
