Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
