smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
