dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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