Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I want a musical about memes.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
