The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize