So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
