i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
