How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize