My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
