the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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