I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
