nut hugger
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
