I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
