i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
