I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
